clearly, a little rewritten to make more sense in blog format and not spoken word.
(i've also linked in particular pop culture references, as to make sense of them. since the internet allows me to do so)
i don't know if there was any recordings of it, so here goes:
i'd like to start by quoting what we all think is probably on ben's mind right now
come on aileen
oh i swear what he means
at this moment, you mean everything
aileen and ben are married? ew
leading up to today, i had plans to write an epic toast wrap that would hit levels of youtube gold.
well, since aileen asked me to do this on monday, I am sadly not able to give you the performance of a lifetime. also, if you were hoping for a heartwarming sister of the bride toast, you may be at the wrong wedding.
aileen came in to my life in 1996 ruined it all at the same time. I was perfectly fine being the only sister and she blew it. She started off early, just a few days old, causing me to pass out cold on the hospital floor. after that, everywhere I went, aileen shortly followed after.
she and i, believe it or not, never really got along for many years. I challenged her young self with sarcasm and wit, which as she got older she took as part of her own personality. so everyone, you're welcome.
aileen had many talents, questionable ones at that. music, ventriloquism, dance and not sports were her forte. she took all the AP classes I never bothered with, and as the years went by she quickly blossomed in to the nerdy young woman she is today. as she grew, we finally began to find more things in common, such as tv shows and we finally liked each other's clothes and could actually borrow some of them from each other. just as we were getting to know each other, ben happened.
i remember the day we all met ben. aileen brought him home from a date, and my parents were in the living room and i was in the kitchen. we heard the door to the garage close and two sets of feet come towards us. aileen, with a boy following her, entered the room and turned to him and said "and this is my cat, mushu." clearly, we know where the priorities are.
as aileen and ben grew together, then apart, and then back together, aileen really became her own individual person.
while i'm not 100% on being "bro" and "sis" with ben just yet, i do have some advice for him to work with aileen's habits.
1. if she's grumpy, feed her chocolate.
2. if she's tired, feed her chocolate.
3. if she starts talking sciency to you, do what i do. stare at her, nod, and then just say "ok."
4. when in doubt, chocolate. or even potatoes really.
while i don't understand how a former child ventriloquist and a man who enjoys magic tricks fell in love, it seems like a match that is meant to be. and ben, if our only shared interests are an appreciation tim allen tv shows and ruining aileen's yawns with a poke in the tounge, i'd say we're off to a solid start.
and aileen. if i can offer you any advice, it would be this:
don't forget to treat yo self in big ways and in small. i hope your love for each other continues like 5,000 candles in the wind. and always remember what is important in life: friends, waffles, and work. or waffles, friends, work. doesn't matter, but work is third. and don't only love ben, but be sure to like him too.
p.s. i don't excpect to be an aunt ANY time soon.
basically the mildly mushy stuff
6 1/2 months or so led up to this, and i am so incredibly proud of you. while it was hard for me the day you got engaged, knowing i wouldn't be able to be there the actual moment you got married, i know this was the wedding of your dreams with ben. somehow balancing your school load miles and miles away from home while having a wedding planned and somehow on your wedding day you were totally chill and we managed to pull it all off. you've come a long way since being the 4 year old eating goldfish at my middle school basketball games, and have so much further to go from here. i wish you the best, with your freshly 20 self and continuing to grow every day leaps and bounds. the journey is just beginning for you.
i'm happy to have a sister like you.
well, not just like you, but one that is you.
you're more fun to make fun of now. i mean...
now have a husband i can make fun of (because it is ben, and its really easy) that takes some of the pressure off you.
also, thanks for not getting bitten by a rabid dog. or having any crazy injury stories for me to share.
that's apparently my job in this family.